the black out girl

the girl who blacks out from drinking too much

dead giveaways:

-mysterious hickeys in curious places

-it is always alcohol’s fault

-waddles like a penguin

- that’s a girl to avoid

the beard

the girl who hooks up with gay guys

dead giveaways:

-insists on grinding on you from behind

-has no qualms with jean cutoffs and fishnet beaters

-gets off to james franco and sean penn make out sessions from “milk”

-fingers that smell like poop

- that’s a girl to avoid

the female cop

the female cop

dead giveaways:

-the hardest stick she has touched is her baton

-has orgasmed from the vibrations of her motorcycle

-the thought of COPS makes her drip

- that’s a girl to avoid

the sweatgear girl

the girl who is always wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt

dead giveaways:

-refers to children as “buttfaces”

-pajamas and daywear are indistinguishable

-has a methlab under her trailer

- that’s a girl to avoid

the behind the counter girl

the girl who works behind any counter

dead give-aways:

-can only count as high as the number 7 (with cheese)

-thinks asking if you want to “supersize” is foreplay

-is personally offended by complicated orders

- that’s a girl to avoid

the twilight girl

any girl who has ever opened the book

dead give-aways:

-covered in hickeys

-expects extended periods of intensely pointless eye-contact

-makes high-school drama seem apocalyptic

-reading at the second grade level

- that’s a girl to avoid

the women’s studies girl

the girl pursuing a women’s studies major

dead giveaways:

-allergic to bras

-pubic hairs in her teeth

-it’s ALWAYS that time of the month

- that’s a girl to avoid

the precious girl

the girl who even remotely resembles “Precious” from the new movie

dead giveaways:

-illiteracy

-two incestual bastard children

-3 sets of breast: front, back, and side

-a “can do attitude” proceeded by an absolute lack of motivation in life

- that’s a girl to avoid